Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
