Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
