Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
