the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
