I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
