Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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