Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
