I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
