you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
