there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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