So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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