do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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