Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
