hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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