he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
