Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
