Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
