Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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