i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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