Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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