everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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