note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
