There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
