low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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