I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
