Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need a beard to bite.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
