gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
