I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she woke up with a sticky ear
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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