I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
