I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
