I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
