$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
