i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
