Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You can't special order awesome
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
