Your tits are I can't wait for
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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