I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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