there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I want is dick and wine.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
