If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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