the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
