Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
