I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
