do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
