This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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