i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just tell him i said nine months
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
ttyl tear gas
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
