Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
