so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
