We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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