When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
