How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
