there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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